Why Isn’t She Calling You Back?

You spend two hours talking to a girl in a bar and she absolutely loves you. She’s touching you, your faces get close, and you almost make out. But unfortunately your buddy wants to go to a different bar. No big deal, you think, because this is a lock and you’ll just grab her number and bang it on the first date.call back

In a couple days you call her up and leave a voicemail. One hour passes with nothing, but you’re still confident. But then two hours, three hours, and then four hours. Still nothing. You check your voicemail just in case she called but the phone didn’t ring. Your chest sinks when you hear “No new messages.” What happened? Why didn’t she call you back?

You’ll never know. You can sit there and analyze and dissect the entire interaction and make a guess on what went wrong but truth is you’ll never find out the real reason. There’s nothing you can even learn from a situation like this because in fact you did build attraction and she did give you the number, perhaps very enthusiastically.

When I started in the game, only one in ten girls called me back. I was certain the problem was with the voicemails I was leaving, so I tried all sorts of craziness, like telling little stories or not leaving messages at all but calling from different numbers. But nothing changed.

The reason her not calling you back has very little to do with the voicemails you are leaving is because…

She has decided whether or not to call you back before you even answer the phone.

In the cases where she didn’t call you back, you were already dead in the water before your dialed her number.

The bad news is that if she doesn’t call you back it’s done. The second call will not help (believe me I tried) and neither does texting. I have experimented with sending a girl a text message like, “What, you met someone cooler than me already?” Sometimes they write back but I still don’t get them out. I’ve never in my life gone out on a date with a girl who didn’t respond to my first call. Forget about it.

It was about a year into the game when I noticed a change. Instead of 1 in 10 girls calling me back, it was more like 1 in 5. I had no idea at the time what I was doing differently besides knowing that my game improved a bit.

Turns out that was the key.

A girl calling you back has more to do with desire than anything else. If she wants you then she’ll call you back, and the only way to make a girl want you is to have TIGHT game where strong attraction is built after the approach.

If girls are not calling you back, don’t look at your phone game, but look in the first five minutes of the interaction with her. Improve that and you will get more callbacks. And improving that takes more approaches, more experimentation, and more practice. There is no secret to it.

Right now as I write this I get 3 out of 4 callbacks, which is a seven times improvement from when I first started in the game. But still you’ll notice that at least 1 out of 4 girls still doesn’t call me back. That means I eat the time I spend with 25% of my efforts.

Therefore I’m better off escalating each interaction as far as I can, even at risk of appearing a little slimey, especially since a call-back is no guarantee that I’ll eventually bang anyway. That’s why I want you to think not about how to get girls to call you back, but how to bang girls without having to worry if they are going to call you back or not.

In my book Bang I share with my best tips for getting the same night bang, including my venue change strategy and also a money line for getting inside her place that has failed me just once in my life (on a feminist, which technically shouldn’t count).