Here’s another question from the mailbag:
I’ve been reading/listening to Carlos Xuma’s “Secrets of the Alpha Man” program. He stresses that men should not touch a woman or try to sleep with her too soon, as this conveys neediness and impatience. In fact he states that a woman will usually get close and let the man know when she’s ready to physically escalate (whether that be touching or having sex).
From my understanding, your view is that a man should always get touchy/feely on the first date and go for the lay sooner rather than later.
I’m quite inexperienced when it comes to women, and am wondering what to do with these 2 conflicting points of view. What are your thoughts on this?
The truth is both are correct. Remember that there are many to skin a cat.
When you want to screen a girl for her easiness, it’s best to touch her early and often. If she accepts your advances you know that this girl is probably horny and wants to fuck.
When you want to get a girl chasing you, then it’s best not to touch much. Let her work for it.
You can get laid using both methods, but the first method is for beginners who don’t have tight enough game to get girls to chase them yet. Basically you’re just trying to turn the girl on by touching. The second method is more advanced when your shit is together and no longer have to work as hard. I have moved more towards the second method, but when I know a girl is trying to fuck, I touch often.
Flirting and building attraction is crucial when it comes to helping the girl decide that she wants to sleep with you. Before I knew how attraction really worked, I’d approach a girl and talk about boring topics such as work or her favorite movies, and then she would politely excuse herself from the conversation only a couple minutes into it. But now I know better. When you talk about more interesting topics, she sees you as more interesting. It’s as simple as that. With a couple additional techniques, the “interesting” is turned into strong attraction.
Once attraction is built you can get her number and take her on a date or go for the one night stand (my preferred method). I teach you how to do all this in my book Bang, which details my complete banging system with step-by-step strategies such as The Four Key Moves To Intimacy (for when you want to kiss her) and my bedroom technique for sealing the deal. And of course my book tells you how to keep a fun conversation going, whether you just met her or are on a date.