A lot guys that are new to game get overly focused on the minutiae of exactly what to say to girls. That’s not surprising. It is important, and it’s one of those “learning bridges” we all cross at some point near the beginning. Plus, there’s a popular, though grossly distorted, misconception that being a player is just about speaking magic incantations that “manipulate” or “trick” girls into sleeping with you. Even though that’s monumentally ridiculous, it’s no wonder that inexperienced guys, upon hearing this, run to quickly learn those tricks. But anyone that’s spent any amount of time actually trying to game girls quickly realizes that it involves way more than a few magical lines you can learn overnight. After all, you can say the absolute “perfect thing” to a girl, at precisely the right time, and still strike out.
Yes, a big part of being good at game is compiling substantial knowledge on what to say to women in different situations and, with practice, developing the skill of endlessly manufacturing your own things to say. That’s the obvious, most visible (even stereotypical) part of being a player. But there’s also a massive intangible, that’s as important—if not more so—to cultivate from the outset: what’s popularly known as “inner game,” but sometimes referred to as “swagger,” “posture,” or “confidence.”
If you asked me to list three things that every successful player has in common, I’d probably list these items (in no particular order, since I think their relative intensity varies from case to case):
1. A High-Quality, Congruent Look. This includes his natural, god-given gifts, but more importantly, how he’s optimized that canvas with tight fashion choices and an appropriate grooming regimen.
2. Air-Tight Game. His ability to say and do cool and interesting things in virtually any situation and around diverse types of people—especially hot girls—and convert those interactions into sex.
3. Some Form of Social Proof . Anything publicly visible that demonstrates he’s accepted by desirable people, has exceptional skills of some kind, or is otherwise more “valuable” as a person (e.g., musical skills, talent, popularity, wealth).
Clearly, all of these build on one another and are closely interrelated. An impressive sense of style will naturally add to a guy’s social proof. Conversely, a guy’s social proof miraculously adds to his looks. Everybody knows various examples of this principle: the rich guy with a hot, young girlfriend or the guy with a hot girl on his arm getting looks from all the other girls in the bar.
But one thing that’s threaded deep into the shag of all three of those traits is inner game. Every successful player has a rock-solid inner game, created by their advances in those three areas. Or, they’ve progressed in those three areas by virtue of their natural confidence and swagger. It works in both directions. It sounds complicated, but it’s a simple idea. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you act like it. Ever notice that when you’re in a happy, upbeat mood you say funnier things and people tend to migrate toward you?
The opposite is also true. Look around: a cool, single guy that’s dressed stylishly top-to-bottom walks around with a different vibe than a downtrodden married sap with an oversized t-shirt, lame cargo shorts, pushing a baby carriage, with his fat wife walking ahead of him. Do you think girls would notice this difference? Of course. Swagger matters.
As you work on learning to say the right things to girls, go to right places, and not making rookie mistakes like lavishing girls with drinks, keep in mind that you should also be working on your inner game. You should always seek out situations, practices, and people that will enhance it. Optimize your look with nice clothes that fit you properly. Do interesting things that will generate fascinating experiences and, by extension, stories you can tell. Cultivate relationships with cool people that add to your cachet and not detract from it.
All of these things will build on your inner game and redouble the power of every one of your player skills.