It’s been said before by other self-help experts: To compare leads to despair.
It’s a sobering thought. I made the commitment to really mastering this area of my life 4.5 months ago. In some areas, massive improvement. In other areas, I have actually formed bad habits that work against me.
What do you do when you see a bad thought or habit? You weed it out!
One of the reasons I started this website is to let guys see my humanity in learning this stuff. I think it is equally helpful for men to see ways that other men deal with setbacks as it is to share what has worked. If you’re reading this website, it is because you would like to learn to improve your game as well.
So here’s some of the ugly thoughts that I will no longer pay mind to:
I am way better than a lot of the guys out there.
– OK, that is just ripe with ego and insecurity. It really doesn’t matter where I stand compared to other guys. As long as I am my best self, that is all that matters.
I am not <blank> enough to get that type of girl. – Basically the standard I am not enough. If you look, there’s a comparison in here since you would need to compare yourself to some other person or group to know where you stand.
I am not “there” yet. – Being in the moment is essential to being good with women. Hell, it’s essential to being good in any sort of social situation. This is a thought that I am definitely going to watch out for now. Lately, Legend and I have been out in the field and even though we’re putting the time in and continuing to build our experiences, our focus has shifted from having fun and being totally present to wanting to be “there”. And if it’s true that what you focus on grows (and I believe it is), I do not want to grow my wanting of anything. I am happy to grow my feelings of having though.
All in all, I think I just need to remind myself to return to the basics:
- Appreciate all the things in your life that are good, that you would welcome more of (big or small)
- Be in the present moment. Really, really be present.
- Compete only against my own doubts and fears.