Let me start by saying that I started all wrong and that I had to figure things out on my own. As far back as 1st grade I knew I wanted more than one girlfriend I knew it was what I wanted for myself. The trouble was society’s stigma about monogamy. That’s entirely another topic of discussion, but I’ll just say that due to my upbringing, I was only taught about monogamous relationships. I hope you can learn something from some of my mistakes.
Rule #1. Know What You Want
I didn’t know what I wanted. I mean I never spelled it out, what I really wanted. I thought I knew but I was only living up to what others thought I should be doing. Figure out what you really want, not what your family expects of you, not what your current girlfriend wants from you, not what your friends think you should do, but what YOU really want. For me it’s an asian girlfriend and a blonde girlfriend, we all live together and love each other and have the freedom to see other people if we wish. Figure out what you want, in simplest terms. I have mine outlined in one and a half sentences. Yours should be too.
Rule #2. Communication Is Key
I was horrible with this. I couldn’t discuss what I wanted, felt or needed. Without a doubt, the biggest thing that makes MLTR’s work is communication. You have to talk about what you feel and why you feel it and listen to each of your partner’s to figure out what they think and feel as well. The effort you put into communicating with your partners will reward you ten fold.
Rule #3. Honesty is YOUR best policy.
I lied about seeing other girls. Lying made me a cheater. I was engaging in things that were clearly breaking a boundary of the other person I was involved with. Don’t be an asshole, tell her the truth. Give her the option to decide for herself if she wants to go down this road with you.
When you are first talking to a new girl, don’t say things like ‘My girlfriend and I are taking a break, seeing other people.’ In her mind you create the vision that you’ll be returning to her someday and whatever you try creating with this girl will be doomed from the start.
If you are seeing or plan to be seeing other girls, you have to set that frame right from the beginning. Saying things like ‘I’m casually dating right now.’ or ‘I’m seeing a couple of girls but it’s nothing serious.’ will set the proper expectations.
If you are in a serious relationship you can simply say that you are seeing someone seriously but that you just broke off another serious relationship because it didn’t work out. She’ll understand that you had 2 serious relationships going at the same time.
Rule #4. Don’t get too serious with a girl too quickly.
Since I didn’t know any better, I would rush into things with a new girl and go for a serious relationship right off the bat. If you plan on seeing more than one girl, you can’t rush in with a strong relationship frame the first few times you are together. Learn to take your time with things and to let the relationship take it’s own course.
Rule #5. Manage Your Time
In the last year and a half I’ve had to buckle down and get this one handled. When you’re seeing multiple girls, you have to schedule your time with each of them. Mindy on Monday, Tula on Tuesday, Wendy on Wednesday, Thalia on Thursday, Freeda on Friday. Sometimes you might have to change things up. Say you want to go to a concert with Tula on Friday. Freeda can’t see you on Tuesday, but she can on Thursday. Thalia can’t see you on Tuesday but she’s free on Wednesday. Minday is can only see you on Monday, but Wendy is flexible and can see you on Tuesday or Friday. Keep Mindy on Monday, move Wendy to Tuesday, Thalia to Wednesday, Freeda to Thursday and Tula to Friday. Sheeesh! I had to write it out to make sense of it!
Rule #6. Equality
Sometimes you’ll develop favorites. Maybe Mindy and you are really connecting lately, and Thalia and you aren’t getting along so well. Thalia needs more time because you have issues to work out and all you want to do is spend more time with Mindy. Who are you going to prioritize and how do you decide? I’ll let you decide what is right for you to do, but my one rule is to never leave one girlfriend without first resolving any conflict between us. You probably shouldn’t be going from one girl to the next because you’ll be wasting the other girls time if you have to spend extra time resolving things. Then they’ll both be angry with you.
Rule #7. Don’t Turn A Monogamous Relationship Into An Open One
Another of my biggest fuck ups. If you are starting out in a monogamous relationship, it’s really hard to open it up to a point where one or both of you are free to see other people. There are so many things that this affects and the reverberations are felt throughout the entire relationship so I don’t recommend this at all. You are better off starting over from scratch.
Rule #8. Handle New Relationship Energy (NRE) With Enthusiasm
If you are seeing two girls and start seeing a third, you are going to experience what has been labeled NRE. NRE is when you are overcome with feelings for this new person. So much so that you may begin ignoring your other girlfriends or even doing mean things to them.
Being aware of NRE can help you cope with the effects of it. Instead of canceling plans with Mindy to hang out with Thalia, go out with Mindy and enjoy the feelings you are experiencing. Bring the good along with you and let her enjoy them with you. You’ll find that by doing this, you’ll actually appreciate her more and you’ll make a deeper connection. Ever hear the old saying: “Spread the love.”?
Rule #9. Don’t talk about other girls with your girlfriend.
One of the biggest mistakes I made was talking about another girl I was interested in with my girlfriend. This behavior left her feeling very insecure about the relationship and feeling inadequate compared to this other girl. This affected us in many ways, one of the biggest being trust, as she felt I couldn’t be trusted around other girls and from then on she was always wondering what I was thinking about other girls when we were out. That was 11 years ago and I still hear about it.
Rule #10. Ending MLTR’s
What do you do when when you like one girl more than all of the others and on want to see her? You could call all of them and break up with them, but do you really want to break up with 4 girls in the same day? You could also move towards spending more time with Mindy and let the rest kind of fall out of your rotation. Either way it’s your choice what you feel more comfortable doing.
For whatever reason, Mindy became my favorite while reading this article, and I slowly stopped seeing the other girls names. Hmmm…Anyway enter your name and email address below to get the latest and greatest tips so you can start having multiple girlfriends in your life now.